Wishes
by carby101
Summary: Carter got into an accident and it looked like the worst might happen. It's a CARBY PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE R&R!CHAPTER 3 UP!!!!!
1. Wishes

I walk into the room and he's lying there, cold as ice, pale as chalk. He isn't moving, why isn't he moving? Why isn't he here to tell me that everything's okay? Why? Because he's the one lying on the gurney this time, he's the one dying. It's not supposed to end this way, it's not supposed to end, ever. I don't think they understand what this is doing to me, just seeing him. They want me to go away and not go through this. I can't go away, I need to be there when he dies. I go to sit beside him and grab his hand, it surprises me how cold it is. It surprises me that someone once so full of life can be lying there, it doesn't make sense.  
  
I want to cry, to let it all out. I think people expect me to, he was my husband after all. He was always more than that. I don't understand why they can't do anything, he's hooked up to all these machines but yet he's not waking up. I should know why, I'm a nurse for god's sake. I should know what to do, but no one does. Everyone just stands there, unsure of what to do. Although they don't understand what is happening to me, they can see it. It must be obvious, I'm not crying but my heart is breaking. It's breaking for him. I bend down to kiss his forehead and I study his face, wanting, longing to see something. Some sign of movement, but he just stays there, perfectly still.  
  
A few hours later I'm still there, the other people have gone their separate ways and left me, there at his bedside. Car crash, MVA, I didn't know he was involved until he was wheeled in on a gurney and I wanted it all to be a dream. Maybe this is a dream, maybe i'm going to wake up next to Carter, safe in our bed. Maybe if I wish hard enough. I should know by now that wishes don't come true. They just don't, so why waste your time wishing your life away? Maybe I know now, maybe sometimes wishing is the best thing to do. Maybe sometimes wishing is the only thing to do.  
  
So I sit there for I don't know how long, wishing. I just want this to be over, I just want.... I don't know what I want. I want him back, that's what I want. I want to have one more chance, one more chance to talk to him, to kiss him, to fall asleep in his arms. That's when the tears begin to fall, once they start they don't stop, they just fall and fall onto his pale face. I wipe them away, ashamed of myself. That doesn't stop the tears, they continue to fall and before I know it I'm weeping. I'm weeping and there's no one to hold me, there's no one there to comfort me and that makes even more tears fall.  
  
I must have fallen asleep at some point because I just woke up, leaning onto his chest and for one fleeting moment I thought that everything was back to normal. Nothing is normal, he's still lying there and I just want him to wake up. I'm gripping his hand, I'm crushing it, I'm hurting him. I'm looking for comfort, maybe if I grip his hand hard enough he'll grip mine back. He doesn't and I grab the nearest thing and throw it at the wall in anger. It smashes into millions of pieces and someone comes in to see what has happened. It's one of the nurses that I've seen around but don't really know. She looks at me, not knowing what to do. She must be new, she has this look of bewilderment on her face. She sees this person that she's seen before, someone so in control falling apart. She walks up to me and asks if I'm okay, I yell back at her that of course I'm not. She tells me that she lost her brother last year and she knows how I must be feeling. It's all I can do to restrain myself from yelling at her 'Bullshit! You don't know!' Somehow, she comforts me, she's a good nurse, I know it.  
  
Later Susan comes in. She is upset, it figures, he was her friend. She sees me crying and she hugs me. I cry onto her shoulder, breathing in her flowery scent. She's crying too, not as much as me, she's crying a river and I'm crying an ocean.  
  
I sit in a chair half asleep, looking at him. Luka comes in with my daughter Janie. I really don't want her to see her father like this but I can't tell Luka to go away. Janie is only two, I don't want her to grow up without knowing her father. She looks at him and wants to know why he isn't moving. She pokes his face and when he doesn't move she looks at me. It breaks my heart to see her face, the fear in her eyes. I sit there, lulling her to sleep.  
  
He's moving, he squeezed my hand, I don't know if I'm dreaming, Then he turns his head to face me and opens his eyes. I fall in love with him all over again. The nurse comes in and smiles. She extubates him and he says my name. I pick up the sleeping Janie and carry her to his bed and sit there with him. I push the hair away from his forehead and kiss it. He's back, I have my husband back. Wishes do come true. 


	2. Together

Authors note: It was gonna be a one chapter thin, but because of people saying please write more I decided to write one more chapter. It's very very short. Hope you like it please R&R  
  
He's sitting in the hospital bed, playing with Janie. I know he hates this, I know he hates being treated as though he is ill in a hospital but what can I do? I watch Janie giggle at him and hug him and I am overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness. I don't know why I feel this, he's okay, I know that, but it was too close. Way too close for comfort.  
  
I walk into the room and I'm unaware of a tear falling down my cheek. He sees it and wants to know what's wrong. What do I tell him? That I'm a big baby who cries even though he's okay? I go to sit on the bed next to him and he holds me tight. I breathe him in and I cry more. He just let's me cry, he knows what's wrong, he knows me. Once I stop crying I pull away from him and he looks at me and wipes away a tear that is falling down my face. I love him, I really, really do. He kisses my forehead and tells me not to worry and I don't, I won't. I pull Janie onto my lap and hug her. She looks up at me, bewildered. She wants to know why I'm crying and I tell her that I'm crying because I'm happy. Relieved maybe. They felt like sad tears to me, but I can't tell her that, If she grows up thinking that people cry only when they're happy then maybe I can protect her, protect her like he protects me.  
  
That's why I was scared, I was scared that I would lose the only person who can protect me from the world. He can make me forget the world and that's why I love him. Janie's getting cranky. I know she's tired. She's been in the hospital all day, I don't really like hospitals. It's a bit late to decide that, I work as a nurse in a hospital. I should have decided that before I decided to work in a place that I've grown the hate.  
  
She wants to go home and I want to stay with him. Susan comes in, she's off shift. She offers to take Janie home with her and I can't really refuse the offer. Once Susan has gone with Janie and we're alone together he asks me if I'm okay. It's ironic isn't it? He's the one sitting in a hospital bed and he's asking me if I'm okay. I wanted him to ask. I wanted him to ask, just so that I could sigh and say, 'yeah I'm fine'. There are get well cards and gifts all over the bed side table from the staff of the ER. The hospital has been decorated, it's Christmas tomorrow. The attempts to make the hospital cheerful are scattered everywhere and aren't altogether unsuccessful. I'll probably end up staying overnight here and then Susan will bring Janie to the hospital tomorrow and we'll spend Christmas together in the hospital. It doesn't really matter that Christmas is going to be spent in the hospital without many presents, the important thing is we're going to be together. I've learnt that being together is more important than anything.  
  
I ask him move over and I lie down next to him and cuddle up to him, careful not to hurt him. I lie there in his arms on Christmas Eve, happier than I've ever been. I have him, there might be obstacles in our way but we're gonna get through them. Together. 


	3. Christmas

Author's note: This is definitely the last chapter, I thought I'd write just one more to please you lot, but then, no more. Please, please R&R  
  
I wake up in his arms and don't even realise that it's Christmas until Susan comes into the room holding Janie and says, "merry Christmas!" She says it quietly, careful not to wake him. She sets Janie down on the bed and I smile at Susan and hug Janie. Susan asks me how he is and I tell her that I don't know. Then she asks how I am and I say to that as well that I don't know. Susan has to go down to the ER and I sit up in the bed, playing with Janie until he wakes up.  
  
When he wakes up he kisses me and says 'merry Christmas'. I wonder why everyone is so obsessed by Christmas, it's just another holiday. There are enough holidays in the year anyway, why do we need another one?  
  
About half an hour Susan comes back, arms laden with presents. Apparently the people in the hospital felt sorry for us having to spend Christmas in the hospital and so bought us presents. I want to say to Susan that I don't want their charity, but I don't. I accept them and I sit on the bed with my husband and my child and open the presents. I watch him help her to unwrap a present that turns out to be a brightly coloured plastic toy that makes her squeal.  
  
It seems senseless that just two people can be my life. These two people are my life, my soul and my family. Without them I'd be incomplete. I felt incomplete for the past few days, not being able to talk to him. He looks at me, seeing that I'm not really there. He touches my arm and electric volts go up my arm, just like the first time he ever touched me. Just like the first time he ever kissed me, the sparks never went away like they do with most married couples. He's still there with me, he's still there in love with me.  
  
I look into his eyes and drown in them at once, those were the eyes I fell in love with. I shift over so that his arms are around me and I lean my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I feel good, I feel safe and that feeling doesn't go away until the day I die.  
  
THE END 


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